Frustrated

This has been a word that has taken up a big part of my vocabulary recently, and for more reasons than one, some which I’d rather not admit.

The reason I’ve chosen this word out of any other is because in all of many babysitting gigs that I have, the one thing that I’ve learned it’s that children get angry and throw tantrums because they are frustrated.

They are frustrated because they think they aren’t being listened to or aren’t being understood or for a variety of other reasons.

This summer I have found myself relating to a 3 year old more than I’d like to. What Ella can get accomplished in kicking and screaming, I cannot. That in itself is frustrating

When I was in Peru, I was happy, generally happy, and that is something I haven’t felt in a while. Since returning from Peru, I haven’t felt happy whatsoever. That is frustrating.

My family adopted a dog (more on that later) and I’m virtually the only one who cares for her. I feed her every day, take her out every other hour, play with her, make sure she takes her pills, everything. My mom pays for it yeah, but that’s the easy part. My dad usually takes her out before he goes to bed and my sister only takes her out if no one else is home. I love my dog but she isn’t ‘my dog’ and when I call her mine everyone gets pissed off but when I say  that I’m the only one who takes care of her, everyone still gets pissed off. That is frustrating.

My dog has heartworm. If she gets too excited or excited at all really, she could die, and no one seems to care. That is frustrating.

I had secured a job paying $18 an hour (I would have made $4000 by the time I went back to school)  for the next 6 weeks and then it was taken right out from under my feet. That is frustrating.

My sister has some mental stuff going on and is getting treated for it (I’m not saying that’s bad at all, yay for getting help) but my parents seem to only care about her and not me whatsoever. No matter what I do or say nothing matters except my sister. They get mad at me for speaking my mind or for things I didn’t do. That is frustrating.

After writing all of these things down on virtual paper, they seem so miniscule, but as I sit here with damp cheeks it’s so freeing to get everything out.

Well, I have to go make my bed on the kitchen floor (also more about that later) so here’s to blotchy cheeks and bad backs.

Alicia

Oh look, another election post

Nov. 10: Did you celebrate or commemorate your divorce or a significant breakup? Would you ever?

I can honestly say that I have never done this, never plan on doing this, nor did I think anyone did this. I don’t have much to say on this topic as I have not been divorced or had major breakups. My last breakup I laugh at a lot but I don’t celebrate it.

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I do just want to say something about the election again. I know, I know.  Enough about this election. But this is so important for not only the United States but the entire world as well. America does so much trade and business and we are involved with so many countries across the globe.

I am from America and I stayed up until 130 when they finally announced that Trump had won. Hearing the phrase “President Trump” was tear-inducing, gut-wrenching, and absolutely heartbreaking. I never knew America had so much hatred and ignorance in it. People are killing themselves, men are boasting about grabbing women by the pussy, there are riots and protests across the entire country, Muslim women are afraid to leave the house wearing their hijab, and people are drawing swastikas and hanging black mannequins all over the country. Trump isn’t even inaugurated yet and people have done this. It has been less than 2 days and we have experienced this. If this is any indication of what the next 4 years are like, I fear for this country.

No Hillary wasn’t perfect, but there should have been no competition between the racist, homophobic, sexist, islamophobic and a woman who devoted her entire life trying to make a difference in this country.

I wrote this about my feelings. So many people who believe that Donald Trump is not a good fit posted Hillary, MLK Jr, Rupi Kaur, and other quotes followed by captions filled with their feelings. Reading these inspired to write my own.

I am at a loss for words. Tuesday night will be etched in my mind forever and ever. As I sat on the couch, sobbing, watching as the states continued to turn blue and red. As the electoral continued to add up for a man who is not fit to run this country. As the gap between one of the most devoted women in the entire nation and a man who took up politics as a hobby continued to grow, I became numb. I am still completely numb to all of this but somewhere in the void my body is in, there is anger, hatred, and fear. I am angry at the people who voted for the third party.  I hate people who thought he was a good fit for president and I fear for the future of our nation.I know one thing for sure. We cannot stop. We have made so much progress in the move towards equality in the last 8 years and we cannot let this man end that march for us. We have to stand together and we cannot stop fighting. We have so much ass to kick so let’s get to kicking.

Alicia