Let Them Celebrate

If you saw my post about the Cubs winning the World Series, then you can probably imagine that I am still ecstatic about the win. Friday morning was the parade celebrating the end of the 108-year drought here in Wrigleyville. I wasn’t in attendance because it was honestly an anxiety attack waiting to happen. There were anywhere from 5-6 million people in attendance and despite how much I wanted to go, I would rather not start hyperventilating in the middle of millions of people and I also had a concert that night and knew I would be up super late anyway (people starting leaving their homes at 5am for a parade that didn’t start until 11)

Anyway, I have seen so many people complaining that all of these people celebrating aren’t true Cubs fans. I have seen tweets and facebook posts, and received texts and so on and so on saying “Are you really a cubs fan if you don’t remember Starlin Castro, Ryan Dempster, and Sammy Sosa” “I remember the first time I ever saw the ivy, do you?” “so many people are bandwagoning the cubs and it’s not fair” etc, etc.

LET THEM CELEBRATE. Yes, I remember all of those players, I remember other players that weren’t as ‘good’ or ‘popular’ as Sosa and Castro. I don’t remember the first time I saw the Ivy because I wasn’t even a year old. People are bandwagoning because they are Chicago fans. If the Cubs hadn’t made it that far and the Sox had, you know damn well we’d all be rooting for the Sox. LET THEM CELEBRATE.

I have been a Cubs fan my entire life and the fact that basically the entire state of Illinois has banded together with the Cubs is so amazing. For so long the Cubs had been one of the worst teams in the MLB and it has taken us 108 years to get on top. Let people celebrate. Let die-hard Sox fans buy Cubs gear and cheer them on after they won. Let people who don’t know how many positions there are in baseball celebrate. The Cubs winning has created such a sense of community for this entire state and hating people who bandwagoned isn’t impacting anyone but yourself. The entire city of Chicago is colored Red, White, and Blue for this team and if the entire state of Illinois wants to celebrate, let them.

Quintessentially Autumn Day

Hi everyone, being the ‘basic’ white girl that I am, I believe fall is an amazing season. I just wish that fall didn’t involve getting sick (I type after downing any cold relief medicine I can find and surrounded by tissues). Nonetheless, there are some quintessential fall activities that I love doing and feel are truly necessary to do in order for my autumn to be complete.

Last year, living in San Diego, there was no fall. I went to a pumpkin patch with my sorority (tbt lol) and that pumpkin patch was in the parking lot of a mall. They had scattered bales of straw and loose straw all over to make it seem more realistic, but I KNEW. Everyone in my sorority had no idea that there were legit pumpkin patches and not just lame excuses for pumpkin patches like the one we were currently in.

This year, I was able to go to a pumpkin patch ( a real one mind you) with my sister and some of our friends. It was really nice being able to go out in the crisp fall air and search for the best pumpkin.

As fun as searching for the biggest and best-shaped pumpkin is, I always seem to forget that pumpkins are heavy… and expensive. So, after looking through every pumpkin we could, all of us opted for a ‘pie’ pumpkin rather than a traditional carving  pumpkin because I’m balling on a budget and we didn’t want to carry around these huge pumpkins all day.

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picked our pumpkins!

After picking our pumpkins, we managed to see a children’s zoo. Curious as to what it was, we each paid the $13.50 (I can only pay $3.29 for a pumpkin but I’ll cut off my own leg to see some animals) entrance fee and headed in.

Preface: Not sure how many of you know, but I have an absolute love of goats. I don’t know why but I do.

As we took in our surroundings, we saw many animals. There were ducks, rabbits, chickens, roosters, pigs, cows, and GOATS. We checked out the duck pond (my sister used to think she was a duck when she was little and her Instagram handle has the word duck in it) and then crossed a cute covered bridge to make it to one of the many goat pens.

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After all the tears

I immediately broke into tears as I saw my first goat. I then proceeded to tear my purse apart to find any quarter in my bag to buy feed to feed the goats with. My friend Casey finally found 2 and I was able to feed the goats and cry more.

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feeding the goats

Random note: I guess I freaked out so much when I saw the goats I touched my mouth with my hand and then my face to get some hairs out of the way so for about 100 photos and 30 minutes I have lipstick all over my face. Good job Alicia… you idiot.

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Note the lipstick above my lip and by my eyebrow

After we saw all of our animals, we did a cute corn maze. As we first walked in I said something along the lines of “wow I wish there were more dead ends instead of going straight through.” Right after I said that there were so many dead ends we got lost an insane amount of times. You get what you wish for I guess.

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This was in front of the corn maze. There were only 4 of us so this little boy (whose mother took the picture) stepped in for us. Also my sister didn’t stick her head in far enough but she’s there

When we finally were able to escape the corn maze, we headed back to the main part of the patch. We bought apple cider donuts, chocolate covered pretzels, apple cider, hot chocolate… you know the works, and finally took a ton of cute photos.

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apple cider donuts
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my sister moved so the pano was sort of ruined

Once we purchased our pumpkins and had fulfilled our visit, we drove around and got lost (not really lost because I knew what city we were in and recognized most of the streets) while listening to good music. Good music, good friends, good weather, what more could you ask for? I love my pumpkin pals. My heart is happy and it was such a good day.

Until next time

Alicia

PS. This was my 99th post so my next is 100 (yay for counting) and my blog turns 1 on the 29th so the next post from me will be on the 29th. I feel like 100 posts and my blogiversary are both big things so why not combine them? Anyway, adios.

P.P.S. Enjoy some more cute photos from Saturday

Bittersweet

Over the past month or two I have blogged a bit about getting a new babysitting job, hating that babysitting job, wanting to quit, and finally telling the family that enough was enough.

Something that always lacked for this family was communication. Yesterday the dad was the only one home when I left and he said that I had Saturday off however would continue coming part time until they found a replacement nanny. I was totally fine with that and despite still being present on laundry days, I wouldn’t have to deal with the parents nearly as much.

After picking the girls up and sitting down for a snack, Aadya asked me “Miss Alicia, is today your last day?” Confused I told her no and that I would still be coming for the next few weeks, and tomorrow as well.

As I was getting the girls showered and ready for bed, the dad got home. A few minutes later, I heard the garage door open again, signaling the mom’s return home as well.

Upon finishing upstairs, the girls and I emerged from their room and made our way downstairs. I don’t really remember the whole of the conversation because I was so confused and my face probably resembled the Mr. Krabs meme, but nonetheless, I was told that today was my final day.

Apparently the mother had contacted their old babysitter and asked if she would commute an extra 15 minutes until they had found a permanent sitter. Which completely makes sense so that there doesn’t have to be a key and car seat exchange every other day.

It just really sucks that for the whole day I didn’t know it was my last day. The mom said that over breaks and things if their other sitter can’t watch or if there were other days that I was free that I could give her a call and she would set up a day that I could watch them.

I know this whole time I had complained about being annoyed with their every move but I did love the children a lot, and despite their annoying habits (what kids doesn’t have them) and their over-protective and demanding parents, they were very sweet girls and I love being a part of their lives.

Both parents told me that they have never seen the girls connect to someone as well as they did as quickly as they did. Their point was made because as I was about to leave with my final check and Steak and Shake gift card (I don’t eat either steak or shakes but my dad will enjoy it) I was grabbed by both girls trying to drag me up the stairs to their room so that we could have a sleepover and so that I could stay forever. This is one of those “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” sort of moments. Like yes, I will enjoy getting a job that is higher paying and I am not being treated like a slave, however, I never really realized how great the kids were until I walked out the door.

So, tonight was very bittersweet. What I had wanted for the past month had finally happened, however, I could definitely go for another game of “Auntie Moma,” “Cops and Robbers,” or “Mister Tortellini.”

I’ll be seeing you, Aadya and Dhiti.

Cancer

Hi everyone, sorry this is so late but I wanted to write something and between working and trying to watch the Cubs game I forgot all about it.

As many of you know, October is breast cancer awareness month. This post is about cancer, not breast cancer, though.

6 years ago today (October 19th, 2010) my grandma passed away from Stage 4 lung cancer. I was only in 8th grade at the time and I am so devastated that I missed out on living so much of my life without the amazing woman she was. I have changed so much since eighth grade and I know she would be proud all that I’ve accomplished since then.

I first remember my dad coming into my bedroom earlier that year (March), telling me that she was sick. We sat and cried on my bed until there were no more tears to cry.

Next, I remember going to visit her every weekend that we could until she died, watching her slowly deteriorate before all of our eyes, everyone knowing but keeping quiet about it and only talking about how amazing she was doing.

The worst part about it was, I remember not cherishing the short amount of time I had left with her. I always thought she would get better and everything would go back being like old times. I remember ( and still hate myself for this to this day) her forgetting I had said goodbye to her already so my dad made me get out of the car to say goodbye again. I sulked into the house, quickly hugged her, mumbled goodbye and blew past everyone visiting back into my car. Looking back on it I would give anything to say goodbye to her again.

Upon getting home from a school trip to Washington D.C, my dad wasn’t home (with my grandma) and my mom broke the news to me that she wouldn’t make it much longer and we were going the next morning to see her and say goodbye. She didn’t wake up the next morning. When my dad got home and told us, we cried together for the second time.

Despite all of these sad moments, they aren’t the things I remember most about her. I remember her introducing me to the movie ‘Miss Congeniality” and watching it every time I would spend the night at her house. How that movie also became my favorite overtime. I remember that I stayed at her house for 2 weeks one summer and I got to watch old movies, garden, make woven potholders (a lot cooler than it sounds), make jewelry, and eat cake for breakfast with her.

What I’m trying to say is that cancer is a horrible disease and takes so many people away each day. Please remember, today and every day, tell your loved ones you love them because you never know when it could be the last time you tell them. I love and miss you Grampatty

Alicia

Let’s learn some words, shall we?

Happy Birthday Noah Webster, aka Father of the American Dictionary. Dictionaries are crazy things, there are so many words in that huge book that I can’t pronounce, can’t define, or can’t even tell if it’s English or not. However, as a writer, something I should always be doing is expanding my vocabulary. It’s only fitting that I do this on National Dictionary Day.

Here are 10 words I didn’t know the meaning to but now do. I also chose words I can most likely remember to use here and add to my everyday vernacular. Let’s do this.

  1. Lavation– (lay-VAY-shun) | noun *October 16th Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day*
    1. Definition: the act or an instance of washing or cleansing
    2. Examples: “In Maycomb County, it was easy to tell when someone bathed regularly, as opposed to yearly lavations….”
  2. Odious (o-dee-us) | adjective
    1. Definition: arousing or deserving hatred or repugnance : hateful
    2. Example: Volunteers gathered on Saturday morning to scrub away the odious graffiti spray-painted on the school.
  3. Guerdon (gur-dun) |  noun
    1. Definition: reward, recompense
    2. Example: “The big hurdle … was early promotion to captain. … This early promotion, this small dry irrevocable statistic in the record, was his guerdon for a quarter of a century of getting things done.
  4. Macadam (muh-KAD-um) | noun *only chose this word because my backyard has a macadam*
    1. Definition: a roadway or pavement of small closely packed broken stone
    2. Example:The sloping, curved street saw light traffic and had a smooth macadam surface that made it popular with skateboarders.
  5. Impavid (im-pavdid) | adjective
    1. Definition: Fearless
    2. Example: Giant by thine own nature, Thou art beautiful, thou art strong, an impavid colossus,And thy future mirrors that greatness.
  6. Belgard (bell-guard) | noun
    1. Definition: A loving look
    2. Example: She left me a belgard from across the room.
  7.  Druthers (druhth-erz) | noun
    1. Definition: one’s own way
    2. Example: If I had my druthers, I’d sleep all day.
  8. Invective (in-VEK-tiv) | noun
    1. Definition: abusive language
    2. Example: … the explosive role that social media has assumed in this campaign have made for a nasty brew of invective, slurs and accusations….
  9.  Haimish (hey-mish) | adjective
    1. Definition: (slang) cozy and unpretentious
    2. Example: … you would like the candle-lit dining room (below), formerly a watchmaker’s shop, where there are perhaps a dozen tables, a fish tank, and murky paintings–all of which contribute to an ambiance best described as Transylvanian haimish.
  10. Bon Mot (bon moh) | noun
    1. Definition: a witty remark or comment; clever saying
    2. Example: He was an extrovert and a character, again like his mother, with a knack for tossing off the perfect bon mot. Once at a dinner party, he told his seat mate, “We are all worms. But I do believe that I am a glow-worm.”

 

I hope you all learned something from these, because I definitely did. Keep an eye out and see if you see me use these in a post in the future 😉

Alicia

 

 

Sweetest Day

It is Sweetest Day and the closest thing I have to a ‘sweetest’ is my dog. My dog who growled at me this morning because I was far too close to her food (at least 10 feet away).

Despite this, I have decided to talk about some other sweet (sweet as in awesome not dessert-like) things

  1. Time Off Work- I don’t have to babysit until Tuesday (I also had Thursday, Friday, and this morning off) because the little girl is sick… and got me sick lol but at least I get to mope around and do nothing
  2. Saint Motel– I AM SEEING THEM TONIGHT/RIGHT NOW depending on when I post this. May or may not make a post discussing this amazing night.
  3. Oreos– I am curled up in bed eating them right out of the package as I type
  4. Thrift stores- My sister and I went to two of our local thrift stores the other day. I got 2 books, a super cute mug that says “tough *picture of a cookie*” on one side and on the other side it says“smart *picture of cookie*” It was adorable and only $.25 so I had to. I also got a Polaroid camera from 1963 for only $18 dollars!!!!!!!!!! It is so cool and makes a great display next to my two other film cameras on my dresser
  5. Ramen (without the flavor packet because.. you know meat flavor)- As a kid, ramen was always a staple if you were sick. Since I am sick again, I went to look to see if the noodles themselves were vegan (I wAS IN LUCK) and ended up adding some chives, garlic, salt, onion powder, and celery salt for the same smell and even better taste than the original.
  6. Dogs- We are dog sitting for the weekend and instead of my daily dose of one dog… I GET TWO DOGS
  7. Sweaters– that’s all but I have been living in sweaters because it’s cold and it looks like I tried even though I didn’t.
  8. Grid paper journals– I gave into the trend of the graph paper journal, I ended up getting a pack of 3 for half the original price of one so obviously I had to jump on that. Not sure what they will contain, but I have 360 pages of neatness to write in.
  9. Pumpkins- I was at Trader Joe’s the other day and bought myself a $.69 pumpkin. It is adorable. Not only that, but I am trying to coordinate a pumpkin patch visit with some of my close friends. If that does happen, expect a very cute, very orange post about it.
  10. New Appliances- My washing machine like broke but still works but broke. It leaks water from the bottom whenever you use it so when you forget about that and step in it, shrieked can be heard from outside (or so I am told). Our new washer and dryer will be arriving sometime today and I am SO excited to use them!

Just a few super sweet things about my life right now

Happy Sweetest Day to those with a sweetie and those with merely (merely? animals are 100000x better than any significant other you could every imagine) an animal.

Alicia

2016: Expectations vs Reality

A week ago (? ish) I read a post about the expectations of 2016 vs the reality of 2016 by lifeofaninspiredteen and really related. 2016 has been a pretty intense year. From changing my major 3 (?) times, finishing my freshman year of high school, getting my first big girl job, etc. etc.

On New Year’s Day or a few days after, I posted a New Year’s Resolution post of sorts and almost all of the things on there are exactly what are on my summer bucket list. As in they have yet to be done, or I have kept up with them so far and need to continue my streak. So I’m doing pretty good there. However, those aren’t really substantial… more like get a new piercing and meet my step goal everyday not decide what to do with your life.

My expectations were a lot different than the reality. It’s July. By this time in 2016 I figured I would have gotten a job at the Fruitful Yield (health food store by my house), been registered for classes at ASU and started gathering things I would need for my aunt’s house, have painted my room at home, gotten straight A’s at SDSU, gotten a boyfriend (haaaha), slimmed down a bit, and had started looking for engineering scholarships, internships, clubs, etc. I also thought I would be saving money to join the sorority of my choosing at ASU.

The harsh reality:

Job: The Fruitful Yield requires at least one year of job experience which apparently nannying is not, So, I’m working for my dad in a warehouse, packing marshmallows and cutting myself on cardboard boxes every 15 minutes (no joke I bled 3 times today *upside down smiley emoji*).

ASU: hahaha we all know that my life is a mess and picking a college I will excel at is just too large of a task to handle.

Aunt’s house: I may be living with her in the fall and taking classes online so I don’t have to live at home and keep working at the warehouse but I really don’t know yet. So, we may be on track but we also may not be.

Painted room: HA HA HA no. Before I left for college my sister and I switched rooms because I knew I wouldn’t be at home that often. Her room has been yellow since we bought the house and I really hate the color. I just want white… IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?! I don’t know. I did tell my dad that if I do end up staying home I either get to paint this room or move all of my stuff to the basement

Straight A’s: College is hard and not getting a 4.0 is okay and I am accepting it. Adjusting to college is difficult, let alone taking upper division and honors courses. Straight A’s will come. Just study and be patient.

Boyfriend: LOL

Slimmed down: I have lost 20 ish pounds this year since going vegan and really taking care of myself. I’ll get to where I want to be but loving my current self is definitely more important than anything else right now.

Engineering: I’ve posted about wanting to do engineering for some time, realizing I never actually did want to become an engineer and changing my major to something i actually want to do. So, now it’s time to start looking for spanish clubs, scholarships, and internships :’)

Sorority: I have decided that I don’t need to pay money to find friends and really great friends will come naturally. Also, I have become more and more introverted as time has gone on and I don;t have the energy for going out 4 nights of the week and still be expected to hang out with them during the rest of the week too. Just me, and not hating on sororities, My DZ girls were super nice and loving and the sorority life just isn’t or me. Do whatever y’all want.

So, while 2016 has had a few bumps in the road, I’m pretty content with where I am right now and am definitely going to do another one of these posts as 2016 comes to a close. Thanks again to lifeofaninspitedteen for making this post originally and inspiring me 🙂

Alicia

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73 Things that Make Me Happy

This summer has been a sort of making myself into who I want to be, in a sense. Ever since I have been making my own decisions and doing things that I want and love to do, I have been exuding happiness and smiling more. So, I have seen quite a few of these sorts of lists and wanted to make one for myself.

  1. The smell after it rains
  2. Freshly washed sheets
  3. Getting into bed right after a shower, with shaven legs and a big t-shirt
  4. The smell of the flower section at Trader Joe’s
  5. Freshly brewed coffee
  6. The feeling of the sun on your skin when you’ve been inside for a while.
  7. Crossing things off of checklists
  8. Drinking lemonade in the summer
  9. Not having to get out of the bed in the morning
  10. Getting complimented
  11. When I reach my Fitbit step goal for the day
  12. Taking a nap after a long day at work
  13. Pay Day
  14. Reorganizing something that desperately needed it
  15. Finally finishing cleaning my room
  16. Cooking
  17. When I get home from somewhere and my dog is the first one to greet me
  18. Fresh fruit and vegetables
  19. Walking barefoot in the grass
  20. Singing along to a song in the car
  21. Sunrises
  22. Sunsets
  23. The sound of the Ocean
  24. The smell of the Ocean
  25. Baby goats
  26. Baby pigs
  27. Really any animal let’s be honest
  28. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have more time to sleep
  29. The cold side of the pillow
  30. Wearing a new outfit
  31. The sound of an ice cream truck
  32. Feeling confident
  33. Having an all around good day
  34. Getting a text from someone you haven’t talked to in a while
  35. Dairy-free ice cream
  36. Getting a day off of work
  37. Printed photographs
  38. Scrapbooks
  39. Getting new shoes
  40. Getting my nails done
  41. Getting a haircut… that I actually don’t hate
  42. Hanging out with friends for the first time in a while
  43. Writing
  44. Museums
  45. Getting flashed a smile from a stranger
  46. Listening to a band’s new album for the first time
  47. Early morning when all you hear are birds chirping
  48. The color blue
  49. Bookstores
  50. Volunteering
  51. Small towns
  52. Crunchy leaves
  53. My favorite pair of jeans
  54. When people use the correct form of ‘your’
  55. Taking my shoes/bra off after a long day
  56. Candles
  57. No dirty dishes in the sink
  58. Making lists
  59. Playing cards with a big group of people
  60. Coloring Books
  61. Watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos
  62. Disney movies
  63. Seeing pictures people took of me doing things when I didn’t know I was being photographed
  64. My smooth skin after shaving my legs
  65. The smell of my shampoo
  66. Office supply stores
  67. Notebooks
  68. Stargazer Lilies
  69. Murals
  70. Potatoes
  71. Cobblestones streets
  72. Rainbows
  73. Stickers

Alicia

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Giddy but Inconclusive

Alrighty-o fam. Here we are, still giddy and such despite having worked a full shift on my feet today and wanting to pass out.

Now, we have made it this far with my college choice and major decision, here comes the hard part: choosing a school. I can recall quite vividly crying on my couch as I scrolled over every college website I possibly could, without having a major in mind. Never in my life did I think I would have to complete this process all over again unless of course, I would be attending graduate school (besides the point). However, at this point, I have a solid major and minor combo (Spanish major with photojournalism minor)  and need to find a school containing both, being cheap, and probably closer to home. I didn’t really miss home but it’s a request of my family. Also,  my training I have to go to is based out of the midwest so it helps that I’ll be closer. Also, I sort of want a smaller school because I felt like I knew like 2 people at SDSU because of how big it is.

Funny isn’t it, how when choosing my first college I wanted as far from home as I could get, big school, warm weather, and a school with a football team. After me realizing that my parents weren’t just going to sneak up on me any random time, attending one football game, and realizing I hated the big school atmosphere, I want the complete opposite from a school. I’m still on boat with the school being as cheap as possible, but honestly, who isn’t?

We have a variety of schools to choose from, not too large of a variety but enough wiggle room to have a few good schools that I’ll be sure to find at least one I love.

The school choices (so far) are…

  1. Cardinal Stritch University (Wisconsin)
  2. Otterbein University (Ohio)
  3. University of Indianapolis (Indiana)
  4. University of Tennessee-Martin (Tennessee)
  5. Andrews Universty (Michigan)
  6. Murray State University (Kentucky)
  7. Ashland University (Ohio)
  8. Winona State University (Minnesota)
  9. The University of Findlay (Ohio)
  10. Xavier University (Ohio)

I’m sort of partial to Xavier University in Cincinnati because that was actually my top choice behind SDSU but I didn’t choose it because they have no football team, it was small, and religious (I know you don’t have to be of that religion to attend but still, Theology 101… really?!)

So, who knows. Might end up at Xavier, might end up at one of the others I mentioned. Or I may even end up elsewhere.

Update on my current schooling situation. I will not be attending ASU in the fall and will most likely be staying here and working or babysitting and whatnot. However, my aunt is in town from Phoenix and still wants me to live with her. So I might go live with my aunt for the fall semester and work but honestly. who knows? Not me.

I have a lot on my plate for the next few weeks and a lot of tough decisions to make. However, I’m happy (and tired) as can be.

Alicia

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

I was babysitting for my neighbor’s kids the other day and as she got home, she asked me if I had picked my major for school. When I told her chemical engineering, her jaw almost dropped. When she finally spoke and asked why, I told her it’s because I’ve always been good with math and science and I’ll get a job easily. She then asked me if I enjoyed it. All of my extracurriculars had involved the things I liked doing (photography, writing, design, leadership) , not what I was known to be best at (math and science). So, what do I really want to be when I grow up?

We all can recall the first time we heard this question. When our teachers asked us this question, our eager 5 and 6-year-old faces lit up as boys shouted president and firefighter and girls exclaimed princess and nurse.

Sadly, I haven’t been asked what I want to do with my life recently. People just assume I will do something in the math and science field or something international (I’ve taken spanish since I was in 5th grade) because these are things I have always been known for excelling at.

In the past 3 years, no one has asked me what I want to do with my life. My aunt and uncle are both engineers, and have instilled the notion that being an engineer is the best thing for me to do because I’m good at math and science and can make a ton of money. One of their friends told their children that they can study whatever they want, after they get an engineering degree. Why? Because engineering makes you the most money.

Why don’t they ask us that when we grow up? Why don’t they ask us what we want to do when we’re choosing our college or university? Why is it, that we’re so obsessed with money and how much we will make? When did making money earn a spot above being happy and enjoying our job?

People tell me what I need to do. I couldn’t decide on a major, so I just said international business so I could put something down on my applications. I never wanted to do business, everyone around me wanted me to. Because I would make money.

Now that I have changed universities, and majors, everyone around me wants me to major in chemical engineering. Why? Because I will be a woman engineer, will get first priority on jobs, and will make money.

Since when did society decide that how much money we make in our lives is more important than how we live our lives? I never wanted to major in business. And I don’t want to major in engineering now. So, what do I do? Do I major in something that makes me happy, maybe never get a job in that field? Or do I live a miserable life of an engineer and have all the money I could ever need?

I’m not too much of a sap but I do believe that we’re here for a reason. We were not born to work 40 hours a week just to be miserable and then go home and be too tired and aggravated with our lives to be happy around our loved ones. Not saying my aunt and uncle aren’t happy. They get ample time off, sabbaticals, and have so much money that they go on multiple cruises every year.

But, why can’t I do that while doing something I love? I don’t want to have kids, hell I might not even get married. I just want it to be my dogs, maybe a goat, and myself. I want a nice house of course, and a nice car, but at the end of the day, when I’m on my deathbed, looking back on my life, am I going to remember the audi and the million dollar house that I had, or am I going to remember my job, where I spent most of my waking hours, my friends and colleagues that I met at that job, and all of the experiences outside of my house?

Shit, I want to do something I love, but the second I said I even considered switching my major to biology and them getting my masters in marine biology, my parents couldn’t have said the words “what about chemical engineering” faster. Why? They just want me to make money and be successful.

When did we define success as how much money you make at the end of the day? Why can’t success be something less materialistic? Why can’t we define success as something worth living for, something great? Something like how many friends I had, how many new places I visited, how much I enjoy my job? Why is success just money and power? When did we all agree that this is what society is going to be, and, why wasn’t I a part of this conversation?

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I’ve started blogging, I have rekindled my love for writing. I love writing, being able to put all of my feelings down on paper, or on the blogosphere. It’s calming and I love seeing how my writing has progressed through time. I love animals. I would love to live on a farm with rehab animals and just help them escape lives of abuse, violence, etc. I would have farm animals, house animals, exotic animals, anything really. I would love, cherish, and care for each and every one of them. I love design. Over the summer. My life is a nonstop HGTV marathon. I love critiquing, agreeing and adding my own opinions on what I would do with each house, room, etc. I love yearbook. My entire highschool career was centered around my school’s yearbook, and although it may have caused me to turn gray early, I loved that class and I can’t imagine my life without it. And, now that I am not active in my school’s yearbook, I miss it. I love the mind. My entire life has been filled with mental illnesses and trying to understand the mind, why can’t I try to help others understand their minds as I have been trying to understand my own?If I could do any one of these things with my life, it would be grand. But, STEM is the way of the future and despite what you want/ like to do with your life, none of it matters if you can’t make money.

Everyone always tells you to never major in journalism, communications, psychology, philosophy. Basically nothing in the school of arts and letters. Major in business, major in STEM. Why? We need people in those fields, or else that major wouldn’t exist. We need biologists, we need therapists, we need writers, we need designers. Why can it be the other person. Why can’t it be me?

So, here we are. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because of how stressed I was, how stressed I was because I couldn’t find a major that suited me. And now, here we are, staring blankly at my ceiling wondering why I couldn’t have just picked something I enjoyed all along.

Talk to you all soon,

Alicia

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