Ruff day

Yesterday morning I disregarded my alarm clock and decided to sleep in. At around noon (didn’t want to sleep that late) I was awoken by a vibrating phone on my nightstand. Seeing my mom’s caller ID, I answered. The first words I heard yesterday morning were “Well, do you want to come with me and do it?” from my sobbing mother. With no context, I knew it was about my dog.

My first words yesterday morning were “No, you’re kidding me.” I immediately rose from my bed, not sure if I was coherent and the message I just heard was real or not, putting pants on and walking out of my room. I sat at the top of the stairs, where my dog should have been after her vet appointment that morning, and watched as my sister got ready to leave to go to a friend’s house.

What started as a day we had hoped would discover an abscess tooth living inside my dog’s mouth soon turned into a lump in her chest and sores coating her tongue and throat.

As I sat there listening to my mother repeat the message to me, igniting my sobs from leaving my body. I trembled and shook as I learned the fate of my beloved dog. After deciding I had to say goodbye, I tried to do something with my unkempt sleep hair and swollen eyes while waiting for my mom to pick me up to head to the vet.

As I walked into the private room at the veterinary office, a sudden gust of sadness engulfed the room. As I sat on the floor waiting for the receptionist to bring my dog into the room, I remembered why I had worn sunglasses on that gloomy day, so no one could see the red clouds that were my eyes.

This was it. The second I saw my dog, sad, scared, and desperate, I was done, tearing welling in my eyes, hoping to burst past the levies and ignite a flood of emotions I wasn’t prepared to unleash.

After seeing some familiar faces, she took a seat on my lap and all I could do was hug her. Hug her for being the best dog I could ever have, hug her for being sorry that she was in so much pain, and hug her for being so strong.

After we left I cried more. I have tears staining my cheeks, my coat, my pillow, everywhere. The house is quiet and empty and every time the doorbell has been rung I expect to see her getting up to see who is there, or whenever I eat food, I expect to see her wanting some and I keep closing the bathroom door behind me, even though there is no need. It has been a weird day and I know it will be a weird few weeks or months as I get out of the habits I took 9 years to build.

I won’t be able to eat popcorn or carrots the same way again and I will miss our couch cuddles you pushing me off the couch you weren’t even allowed on.  I will miss my slippy slippy lovie girl. She was the greatest joy to come home to. Cancer sucks and I will miss and love you always.

“It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.”

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Quintessentially Autumn Day

Hi everyone, being the ‘basic’ white girl that I am, I believe fall is an amazing season. I just wish that fall didn’t involve getting sick (I type after downing any cold relief medicine I can find and surrounded by tissues). Nonetheless, there are some quintessential fall activities that I love doing and feel are truly necessary to do in order for my autumn to be complete.

Last year, living in San Diego, there was no fall. I went to a pumpkin patch with my sorority (tbt lol) and that pumpkin patch was in the parking lot of a mall. They had scattered bales of straw and loose straw all over to make it seem more realistic, but I KNEW. Everyone in my sorority had no idea that there were legit pumpkin patches and not just lame excuses for pumpkin patches like the one we were currently in.

This year, I was able to go to a pumpkin patch ( a real one mind you) with my sister and some of our friends. It was really nice being able to go out in the crisp fall air and search for the best pumpkin.

As fun as searching for the biggest and best-shaped pumpkin is, I always seem to forget that pumpkins are heavy… and expensive. So, after looking through every pumpkin we could, all of us opted for a ‘pie’ pumpkin rather than a traditional carving  pumpkin because I’m balling on a budget and we didn’t want to carry around these huge pumpkins all day.

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picked our pumpkins!

After picking our pumpkins, we managed to see a children’s zoo. Curious as to what it was, we each paid the $13.50 (I can only pay $3.29 for a pumpkin but I’ll cut off my own leg to see some animals) entrance fee and headed in.

Preface: Not sure how many of you know, but I have an absolute love of goats. I don’t know why but I do.

As we took in our surroundings, we saw many animals. There were ducks, rabbits, chickens, roosters, pigs, cows, and GOATS. We checked out the duck pond (my sister used to think she was a duck when she was little and her Instagram handle has the word duck in it) and then crossed a cute covered bridge to make it to one of the many goat pens.

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After all the tears

I immediately broke into tears as I saw my first goat. I then proceeded to tear my purse apart to find any quarter in my bag to buy feed to feed the goats with. My friend Casey finally found 2 and I was able to feed the goats and cry more.

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feeding the goats

Random note: I guess I freaked out so much when I saw the goats I touched my mouth with my hand and then my face to get some hairs out of the way so for about 100 photos and 30 minutes I have lipstick all over my face. Good job Alicia… you idiot.

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Note the lipstick above my lip and by my eyebrow

After we saw all of our animals, we did a cute corn maze. As we first walked in I said something along the lines of “wow I wish there were more dead ends instead of going straight through.” Right after I said that there were so many dead ends we got lost an insane amount of times. You get what you wish for I guess.

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This was in front of the corn maze. There were only 4 of us so this little boy (whose mother took the picture) stepped in for us. Also my sister didn’t stick her head in far enough but she’s there

When we finally were able to escape the corn maze, we headed back to the main part of the patch. We bought apple cider donuts, chocolate covered pretzels, apple cider, hot chocolate… you know the works, and finally took a ton of cute photos.

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apple cider donuts
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my sister moved so the pano was sort of ruined

Once we purchased our pumpkins and had fulfilled our visit, we drove around and got lost (not really lost because I knew what city we were in and recognized most of the streets) while listening to good music. Good music, good friends, good weather, what more could you ask for? I love my pumpkin pals. My heart is happy and it was such a good day.

Until next time

Alicia

PS. This was my 99th post so my next is 100 (yay for counting) and my blog turns 1 on the 29th so the next post from me will be on the 29th. I feel like 100 posts and my blogiversary are both big things so why not combine them? Anyway, adios.

P.P.S. Enjoy some more cute photos from Saturday