Maybe next year

Something that always gets me is when people think that a new year is basically just the only time you can restart yourself or make goals for yourself or make any sort of change. Today, I was browsing facebook looking at the damage control on our country from the last 24 hours, hoping to see at least one cute dog photo in that time, and I stumbled upon this photo of a tweet that said “January was a free trial… I’ll start my new year February 1st”

The person shared it and was like “Time to restart my resolutions.” It’s funny to me that people feel the need to make goals on only the first of the year. I’m not saying that New Year’s Resolutions are overrated since I made a resolutions post but most of these Resolutions are things I had been working on before, however, these people can’t just decide they want to do something and then just do it. They have to wait 29 days or hell 10 months before they can start a new goal.

Why have we as a society, decided that people can’t have ambitions 365 days of the year? Why are we limited to 5 days or so throughout the year?

When we break a resolution (me for example and my sleep schedule haha) I had still been getting crappy sleep so last Wednesday, I was like ‘you are waking up at 8 am tomorrow and liking it.’ I didn’t need to wait until February 1st or even the next Monday to do it. I had something I wanted to accomplish, I had a goal, and I went for it. And hey, almost a week later and my sleep schedule is getting back on track.

Basically, what I’m saying is that is you have a goal jotted down on a sticky note for the start of the month, or next Monday or whatever, start it now. Start it now! And then next month you’ll be happy you did.

Pulchri-what?

I have officially forgotten how to blog. After two months of daily prompts thought up a month or so in advance and now moving to a fresh clean, promptless slate, I have forgotten how to blog. I have sat at my computer for 15 minutes because the only thing I wanted to write about was snow, candy canes, and Christmas.

So, until I regain the ability of blogging, I have decided to write a little blurb about how I chose the title of my blog (I mentioned it in an award post but I guarantee no one reads those so, I’m going to elaborate and write a new one).


Flashback to October 2015, when I first had the idea of creating a blog. After scouring the web for URL ideas, I decided on the URL buddhistvegann. I had originally planned on making my blog about transitioning into the vegan lifestyle and I wanted to talk about how I was following my the teachings of the buddha and things of that nature.

Fast forward to the beginning of June 2016, when I began my social media detox and decided to start a life I wanted to live. I created the name selflovinalicia, because I was, and still am on a journey of self-love. That name lasted for a few months but I soon decided I needed something else. I also didn’t want my name in my URL. No hate or anything to people who include their names in their URLs but it just wasn’t for me.

When I returned to social media in August or September or whenever, a friend of my mom’s commented on a photo (of my family) “What a pleasurable plethora of pulchritude.” Having never heard/seen that word I went and googled it (hoping he wasn’t calling us ugly or annoying) and I found out that pulchritude is defined as beauty. Live pulchritudinously meaning ‘live beautifully’ which is something I aspire to do on the daily, so I decided to change my blog URL to livepulchritudinously as a reminder to live a life full of pulchritude, and it’s a very good conversation starter.

So, there you have it, the reason behind my blog title.

Alicia

Ruff day

Yesterday morning I disregarded my alarm clock and decided to sleep in. At around noon (didn’t want to sleep that late) I was awoken by a vibrating phone on my nightstand. Seeing my mom’s caller ID, I answered. The first words I heard yesterday morning were “Well, do you want to come with me and do it?” from my sobbing mother. With no context, I knew it was about my dog.

My first words yesterday morning were “No, you’re kidding me.” I immediately rose from my bed, not sure if I was coherent and the message I just heard was real or not, putting pants on and walking out of my room. I sat at the top of the stairs, where my dog should have been after her vet appointment that morning, and watched as my sister got ready to leave to go to a friend’s house.

What started as a day we had hoped would discover an abscess tooth living inside my dog’s mouth soon turned into a lump in her chest and sores coating her tongue and throat.

As I sat there listening to my mother repeat the message to me, igniting my sobs from leaving my body. I trembled and shook as I learned the fate of my beloved dog. After deciding I had to say goodbye, I tried to do something with my unkempt sleep hair and swollen eyes while waiting for my mom to pick me up to head to the vet.

As I walked into the private room at the veterinary office, a sudden gust of sadness engulfed the room. As I sat on the floor waiting for the receptionist to bring my dog into the room, I remembered why I had worn sunglasses on that gloomy day, so no one could see the red clouds that were my eyes.

This was it. The second I saw my dog, sad, scared, and desperate, I was done, tearing welling in my eyes, hoping to burst past the levies and ignite a flood of emotions I wasn’t prepared to unleash.

After seeing some familiar faces, she took a seat on my lap and all I could do was hug her. Hug her for being the best dog I could ever have, hug her for being sorry that she was in so much pain, and hug her for being so strong.

After we left I cried more. I have tears staining my cheeks, my coat, my pillow, everywhere. The house is quiet and empty and every time the doorbell has been rung I expect to see her getting up to see who is there, or whenever I eat food, I expect to see her wanting some and I keep closing the bathroom door behind me, even though there is no need. It has been a weird day and I know it will be a weird few weeks or months as I get out of the habits I took 9 years to build.

I won’t be able to eat popcorn or carrots the same way again and I will miss our couch cuddles you pushing me off the couch you weren’t even allowed on.  I will miss my slippy slippy lovie girl. She was the greatest joy to come home to. Cancer sucks and I will miss and love you always.

“It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.”

Persevere

This post has been sitting in my drafts for almost a week, with the first two lines edited so many times I cannot count.

One of the NaBloPoMo prompts was to choose a word for 2017. At the time I hadn’t thought about my goals for the New Year because the year wasn’t over and I had no idea what I would want to accomplish in the New Year.

I do now. I know exactly what I want to do. I want need to persevere.

Something I do a lot is start things. I start so many things. I start working out, start eating healthy, start planning for something, start reading a book, start etc. etc. Something I don’t do is finish. I am a quitter. I don’t like to label myself as a quitter, no one does,  but it’s what I am. I quit working out, I quit eating healthy, I quit planning, I quit reading, I quit everything. I quit when the going gets tough and I am sick of it.

I have quit so many things throughout my life and I hate it. I want to persevere. I want to keep going. When the going gets tough, I want to get tougher. Maybe it’s because I put too much on my plate, or maybe it’s because I’m lazy, whatever it is, I need to persevere.

17 in 2017

Hi everyone, something I always struggle with are new years resolutions. Everyone always makes them, follows them for a week, and then make the same resolution the year after. When I used to go to the gym right by my house, my dad and I would go the weekend on New Years and there would be so many people you couldn’t get a machine. January 5th came, and the gym was basically empty again. However, I do have a few goals for not only myself but my blog in 2017 and I thought I would share them with you all. Let’s get started.

  1. Blog consistently: Last year started out rough, there were some months that I had 16 posts and other that I had only 1. Hopefully after doing NaBloPoMo AND Blogmas, the art of consistency will stay with me.
  2. End the year with at least double the amount of posts I have now. As of me righting this post I have 143 blog posts in 2016. I would like to end the year with writing at least 143 more, maybe even more than that. I know it will be easy for the first half of the year with no school and such, but I will persevere to the end of the year. Maybe I’ll start writing 2017’s Blogmas posts now 😉
  3. Connect with more Bloggers: I always go through my Reader and read and like people’s posts but I really want to comment on more and connect with more of the people I follow.
  4. Take quality pictures: I always talk about things while I’m writing but am running behind on posting (last night for example and my 11:13pm post time) so I forget to take pictures. I just got an iPhone 7 (hello fab camera quality) so I’m going to work on taking all my own pictures and posting them mainly because it’s nice to have your own content on your website, but also because it probably takes more time finding a photo in good lighting, good background, etc than it does to get my item and take it.
  5. Read: I have so many books just waiting from to read them in my room and I have so many books I want to read and have yet to buy
  6. Learn something new: I don’t know what and I don’t know when; but I want to learn how to do something
  7. Move into the basement: I was supposed to move into the basement in August but my basement is a mess so I tentatively will be moving into the basement in January but I’m not sure.
  8. Volunteer: Something I really want to do is volunteer abroad. I am trying to go to Lima, Peru for 4 or 5 weeks. I am totally going to fund it myself… I just have to convince my dad. Since I want to teach English abroad when I’m older,  I really want to test it out by going abroad and seeing if I like it  before I devote my life to something. Because if for some reason I hat traveling abroad or something I would like to know before I major in it.
  9. Create a budget for myself: If I want to go to Peru, and I also want to visit some of my college friends, I need to stop spending money on lipsticks and food and create a monthly or weekly budget for spending so I can do the things I really want to.
  10. Choose a college: Obvious reasons for this haha
  11. Get a job: I need money and to get that, I need a job. Depending on if/when I volunteer will dictate what sort of job I get, so we’ll see.
  12. Clean: Since I am home daily, I sometimes spend the day sleeping or watching TV, when I could be cleaning all the dishes i don’t use. I also need to keep my bedroom clean. Right now it’s a mess because I am going through everything I own in preparation for moving to the basement but once I get a new and bigger room, I will maintain a clean room.
  13. Get on a solid sleep schedule: Nighttime is when I spend my time writing blog posts, reading blog posts, etc. So, when it’s all of a sudden 3 am… oops. Just because I’m home doesn’t mean I can be nocturnal. I need to develop a solid sleep schedule and put my electronics down, which is a lot easier said than done.
  14. Exercise: I am planning on starting Insanity when I get home from Wisconsin. Something to keep me active and exercising does help maintain a solid sleep schedule.
  15. Create a skincare routine: I have had eczema my whole life, and sensitive skin to top that off, so my skin hates me. I need to develop a skincare routine so my skin can love me again. Also one that isn’t uber expensive and easy(ish) to maintain.
  16. Be one of ‘those vegans’: I drink a solid one kale smoothie a week. When I have a mid life crisis at 2 am and decide I need to get my life together, which lasts about 2 days until my next one the following Sunday. I am trying to be one of those vegans who drinks kale smoothies and posts acai bowl photos on Tumblr… Okay not that extreme but I don’t want to be a vegan who eats a row of Oreos and a bag of popcorn for dinner.
  17. Drink more water: water is literally the holy grail of our body. We are over 75% water and how much we drink makes or breaks us. I have a 40 oz water bottle and some days I drink 2 of them but also some days I fall behind on my water consumption and I really can’t do that.I’m being very hopeful with these resolutions and I know some of them might not come true, but here are my aspirations for the year 2017, I’ll check back in 6 months.

    Alicia

What happiness means to me

To me, happiness is such an arbitrary term. It differs for everyone. To me, happiness is sitting alone in a coffee shop, typing away at my computer, letting the intoxicating aroma of the grounds fill my nostrils. Happiness is feeling a crisp autumn breeze blow against my face as the smells of cinnamon, vanilla, and pumpkin dance around me. Happiness is seeing goats. Happiness is receiving a package in the mail, just waiting to be unwrapped. Happiness is getting my nails painted a new color, and tapping my freshly painted fingers on every surface I find.Happiness is seeing a dog, its tail wagging as it rushes their owner to my side so it can sniff me as I pet its head, even just for a moment. Happiness is when I can perfectly apply my liquid lipstick… the first time. Happiness is a tattoo parlor. The wheels in my brain get to turning thinking of all of the ink I want on my skin. Happiness is seeing a band in concert, my cheeks flushing and my heart beating along with the amp as I realize that the people before my eyes are indeed real. This is happiness for me, what is it for you?

light

A goal of mine for as long as I can remember is to exude light. To be as radiant as humanly possible. Like those girls in the movies, whose aura matches her best friends in the back seats who drive around town with their windows down, music blasting into every wandering set of ears they pass.

Over the past 19 years of my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that this idea only exists in movies, that this goal is not something I can possible achieve, and no matter how hard I try, I will in this constant state of longing for this feeling I cannot have.

Despite this conclusion, my mind always wanders to why I can never achieve this. These radiant people I rarely come across of hear about seem so carefree and ethereal, and here I am, just the opposite. Why can’t i be like them? What did they have that I didn’t?

We are the same yet different, the same just under different circumstances. We both face the hardships this world puts on us, yet I just see them in this state, this unworldly state.They make the best of their circumstances, why can’t i make the best of mine?

When I choose to look beyond the hardships I face, beyond all of my obligations, and just focus on things that make me euphoric, I begin to realize,  I emanated light this whole time.