Cloudy

As I sit here, perched in an almost empty bus without much leg room, somewhere in Indiana, I gaze longingly out of the beautiful picture window, my eyes focus on one thing. The clouds. I’ve related to clouds quite a bit recently. Or cloudy days I should say. The sun may peek out of the clouds for 10-15 minutes and during that time, all is right in the world. The other 23 hours and 45-50 minutes, gloomy, somber, dreary. That’s been my world recently.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for the past few days but where do I begin? It’s hard for me to share how unhappy and unfulfilled with my life I’ve been. I like to come off as this happy-go-lucky, positive, individual who always has her shit together, however recently, I’ve been quite the opposite.

In my need to lead post, I mentioned how I applied for OU CHAARG’s ambassador [the equivalent of president]. By the tone of this post, you can all assume that I didn’t get it. You’ve all assumed correctly. I was crushed. I still am if I’m being honest. When you pour your heart and soul into an organization to not be recognized back; it’s heartbreaking. I could sit here and list plenty of reasons I think I didn’t get it, I could let my friends tell you the system is corrupt and that I deserved it more, but honestly… what’s the point? It’s over and done with and there’s no changing the decision that was made.

I told myself that if I didn’t get ambassador I wouldn’t apply to be a regular exec member. Why did I do this? Why do I want one position over the other? It’s because, since last year, I’ve pictured myself as ambassador. I’ve had so many people say “When you’re Ambassador…” so it’s become an obvious next step for me. I was beyond excited. I’d started planning out next year already: from my team, our events, our workouts, our meetings, our bonding, my gifts to everyone, my last events, everything. Yet, when I read the  rather impersonal email I was honestly a little relieved. As gut-wrenching as it was, there was still a bit of relief that coursed through my body and I knew exactly why.

Last semester I PREACHED about how I was pouring from an empty cup how I was done pouring from an empty cup. Yet, here I am, not satisfied with any aspect of my life, STILL pouring from that same empty cup. What am I doing wrong? Am I still putting all of my energy into the wrong things?

I love so many things. I can’t recall the last time I did many of them. I love reading, writing, hiking, creating, baking, seeing my friends. I can’t tell you the last time I did any of things without CHAARG in mind. I don’t really see my non-CHAARG friends anymore, I don’t read, I haven’t written about anything besides CHAARG, I only bake for CHAARG events, etc. I haven’t been myself in far too long + it’s time that changes.

I love CHAARG, which is why it takes up such a substantial part of my life. Despite this, CHAARG is taking the biggest toll on my physical and mental health. If I love something so much, why is it doing me so much harm?

I think about CHAARG 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I am stressed out of my mind because of it. I am in love with this organization and it’s really changed my life in so many ways, but I need to know my limits. I need to know when to put myself first. It’s time.  I’m still going to be in CHAARG during my final semester on campus. I’m going to be the best damn general member this chapter has ever seen.

Big things are coming from 2 of my best friends and myself very soon. I’m excited for it. I’m studying abroad in Spain this summer. I’m completing my student teaching abroad [not sure where yet] next Spring. I’m excited. I’m going to apply for grad school for something besides Education. I’m beyond excited. I’m going to be the best + most involved regular CHAARG member next fall. I’m so excited. I’m going to relate to sunny days instead of cloudy days. I am SO fucking excited.

So CHAARG exec, thank you. Thank you for teaching me so much, for shaping me into the person I am today, for testing me physically, emotionally, mentally, and most importantly: for giving me my two best friends.

However, it’s time to be Alicia + it’s time to make myself a priority for the first time in quite a while.

So so so much love,

Alicia ❤

10 things I love about being ME

I figured I’d start June off on a positive note with my self love post of the month AKA sharing 10 things I love about being me! I have a feeling this is going to be a tough one for me to muster up 10 things… but here goes nothing!


1. I love that I love learning- I heard a while ago that no one can take away your right to an education and that really stuck with me, After my gap year, coming back to school reignited my passion for learning and I’ve been striving to better myself ever since.

2. I love that I’m curious- Going off of me loving learning, I’m curious about other things nonschool related and if they really spark my interest I’ll delve deeper into that subject. As the old saying goes, ‘curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.’

3. I love that I am determined- I can be told no 1000 times (as seen this past school year) but I’m still going to keep trying until I succeed

4. I love that I’m *usually* okay with change- I’m very much behind the saying ‘don’t fix it if it isn’t broken,’ however when something does need changing, I’m quick to adapt and move on.

5. I love that I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve- This one is pretty self-explanatory but when I know I deserve something, I’m not going to settle for anything but what I know I should be getting.

6. I love that I’m confident- Over the past few years, my confidence has been gradually increasing and I love the confidence I currently have and can’t wait to see what the future of my confidence holds.

7. I love that I’m unapologetically myself- I’ve spent years trying to be less of this and more of that and I’m proud to say I no longer care what others think of me or what they want me to change. I am who I am and that’s not going to change.

8. I love that I’m vegan!- Saving animals, saving the environment, and doing something great for my health… why would I not love that?

9. I love that I’m always trying to better myself- I’m constantly working on myself in all aspects of my life and doing whatever I cant be a better person inside and out.

10. I love that I’m caring- Whether it’s for my friends, peers, colleagues, kids I’m working with, etc. I do my best to be the most caring and compassionate I can be.


What do you guys love about yourselves?

❤ Alicia ❤

What I LIKE, LOVE, + HATE about social media

Hi everyone! It’s been a minute since I’ve written about my (and most people’s) relationship with social media. If you’ve been a follower for a while, you may remember that 2 summers ago, I went on a social media hiatus for the summer to recreate my social media usage habits. It was refreshing to take a break from social media and I would love to do it again.

However, all of my student organizations require social media, whether it be posting, replying, or simply keeping in contact with other students, so I really can’t take a break from it. I have been trying to limit my time on social media and especially minimizing my time on social media at night. It’s hard, especially when we are so dependent on it, but I’m doing my best to unplug as much as I can.

Something I wanted to do is share some things that I like, love, and hate about social media because I want to share AND I want to know your feelings about these things as well (and others I don’t mention as well). So, here are some things I like, love, and hate about social media.


Things I Like:

  • Social Media is great for making connections. Whether it be LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram, making connections is easy. Whether you add someone to your connections, or DM a company or person you want to work with, the sky is the limit for who you can connect with.
  • There is a different social media platform for every person. Sharing photos, witty jokes, DIYs, etc. there are TONS of social media sites to pick from which is great because everyone is different so your social media sites should be too.

Things I Love:

  • Staying in contact with people is so easy. When I’m at school I can keep up with friends back home and when I’m back home, I can keep up with my school friends. It’s also a great way for me to keep up with everyone from San Diego since I haven’t been back to San Diego since I left.
  • MEMES. I am a meme girl like no other and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my memes if it weren’t for social media. I have thousands of pictures on my phone and almost half of them (and almost all of my happiness) are memes and they wouldn’t be possible were it not for social media.

Things I Hate:

  • How likes and followers determine worth. The more likes and followers one has the more idolized they are on social media. People start obsessing on how many likes and comments they have on each post by buying those and followers and it creates this cycle of trying to get a certain number of likes, not reaching those and trying to get more followers and likes and then failing again.
  • People are measured by their looks. Not only are girls criticized for every single they do/say/wear, we are now required to be flawless on social media. Now Instagram celebrities all over are facetuning and photoshopping themselves in photos which are causing their fans to feel far less than adequate because they don’t look like their idols when in reality their idols don’t even look like their idols.

What do you all like, love, and hate about social media?
❤ Alicia ❤

Deja Vu + a reflection

Happy Wednesday everyone! Spring is here and normally my basic self would be writing a Spring Bucket List, goals, or mixtape post. However, I’ve been really thinking about my self-love journey and after getting really great responses on my post from Monday, I figured I would talk more about it.

Self-love is something I’ve always struggled with… you all know that because I’ve talked about it… multiple times. Nonetheless, it’s important to discuss. I’ve been trying these little self-love tricks in the ‘fake it till you make it’ category by basically looking at myself every day and telling myself things I love about myself. Well, while telling myself I was beautiful and awesome and the coolest person ever on Monday, I had this terrible flashback to my sophomore year of high school.

My sophomore year was probably the peak of my self-confidence. I always say that I look my best is those photos and I think it’s because I was so confident and SO happy with myself and really truly loved myself.

One day, however, I had just said that I looked nice that one day (not sure why but who the hell cares… I probably looked hot as hell) and this girl Jessica literally said, “You really shouldn’t’ say that Alicia.” Ouch. Really ouch. Who was she to tell me that I couldn’t love myself or compliment myself? She probably meant it in a way that was like “it makes you seem cocky if you say you look good,” however, I took it in a way that said, “You look ugly so stop lying to yourself.” If that wasn’t a metaphorical punch in the gut I don’t know what was. But as I already said, ouch.

From that point on, I stopped telling myself that I looked nice and most occasions because obviously. I was ugly because Jessica told me not to compliment myself.

Because I stopped those daily pats on the backs, I began to not feel as good and really thought I was ugly. Was I ugly? Probably not. Did I feel ugly? Absolutely.

I really wanted to talk about my deja vu, however, I also wanted to reflect on what I say to others. Do I say seemingly harmless remarks about someone’s appearance or personality that cause them to do what I did? I sure hope not. However, I’m going to be keeping a close eye on what I say to others especially if it’s regarding them and their minds +bodies.

❤ Alicia ❤

10 things that bring me peace

Happy Monday everyone, I’m back at school and ready to get back into my old routine. I was sick all of break and still have a bad cough (I only get sick when I come home… could that be a sign??) so pardon my no posting. I had a nice week spent mainly sleeping with my dog and utilizing my kitchen.


For my self-love post this month, I wanted to write about some things that bring me peace, because it’s always nice to think about things that make you peaceful in this crazy and corrupt world we live in. So, here are 10 things that bring me peace…

  1. Getting a room in the gym all to myself (happened this morning)
  2. Crossing something off on my to-do list (I made a list of everything I have to do before the end of the semester and let me tell you… there will be a lot of things that will be crossed off in the next 6 weeks)
  3. Getting into my bed after a long day
  4. Putting my phone on silent and reading before bed (currently reading Binge by Tyler Oakley… super good so far)
  5. Eating breakfast
  6. Making my bed (I used to think it was dumb because I would just mess it up later but it makes your room look cleaner and looks like you have your shit together)
  7. Water (I’m not talking about drinking water. But more like the ocean. The sound, the smell, and the view of the ocean… nothing makes me happier)
  8. Music (whenever I’m anxious (and not near any water), feeling great or feeling bad, or whatever emotion I’m having music always helps me feel calm and peaceful)
  9. Quiet (while much different from music and the sounds of water, sometimes I just need a bit of quiet, especially after being surrounded by people all day)
  10. Cleaning (although this usually happens while procrastinating… it’s one of my favorite things to feel calm and satisfied with my life)

What brings you peace?

❤ Alicia ❤

Why is self-care not a priority?

Happy Wednesday everyone! I am flying home today for Spring break and I can’t wait to be in my own bed with my dog and do things on my own time. I’ve Had a rough semester so far ( which will get more in-depth with my post on either Friday or Saturday) and something I have not been doing very well is taking care of myself.


Something I’ve noticed lately is some people pride themselves on not taking care of themselves. I’ve met people in college, high school, at work, etc. who get excited and competitive over not taking care of themselves. Some things include

“I haven’t gotten more than 6 hours of sleep all week. I’m getting so much done.”

“I’ve gone to the bars every night this week AND still made it to my 8am”

“I’ve had  cups of coffee today and will probably have more later to get me through my project tonight”

“I can’t tell you the last time I’ve had a vegetable that wasn’t on top of my pizza.”

Why do people think that deliberately not giving their bodies what it needs, is good? Remarkable even?? I used to be one of those people who would say “I only got 4 hours of sleep and I feel great.” I may have felt great but I was harming my body in many ways.

We need sleep, proper nutrition, and to not fill our bodies with bad things EVERY NIGHT… so that we…. I don’t know… don’t die???

So many people think that self-care is face masks and bubble baths… but it is so much more.

Self-care is going to bed at 8pm if you’re tired. It’s dropping that negative friend no matter what history you have. It’s knowing your limit when it comes to drugs and alcohol. It’s also drinking a shit ton of water when you go past that limit. It’s eating a healthy variety of foods that keep you happy + healthy.

I really don’t understand why taking care of yourself is not a priority for everyone. Why some people purposely do not take care of themselves… why it’s seen as a luxury. To Keep us healthy and sane, we need to take care of ourselves and make doing so a priority or else we’ll burn out.

How do you all take care of yourselves??

❤ Alicia ❤

Just kind of… meh

Good afternoon, just me again getting back into my old blogging routine. When I did my GearBunch pants review, I never really gave an excuse for being absent. I feel like I typically don’t. Besides the point, I was also thinking about what my self-love post should be for February since I said I wanted to continue writing them since I and all of you loved reading them. This is not necessarily a self-love per say, more like a self-realization post and calling myself out on some things that I do quite often and sort of just getting thoughts out on google docs I suppose.

I’ve been bad recently. Really bad. Mentally. I’ve been decent physically by working out, eating right (most of the time), drinking water, and otherwise. My sleep schedule not so great but I’m in college what do you expect?

I’m really struggling so much mentally right now and I have no idea who I can talk to about it. Like I feel like none of my friends I’m close enough to say that I’m struggling (or we’re in weird places and I just don’t know yet) and my family doesn’t really care so I’m just putting it all out here.

I don’t want sympathy or pity comments I just don’t know how else to share what I’m feeling other than by writing typing it out.

I’ve been crying a lot recently. A lot. Like every other day. I’ve also been keeping to myself more, seeing fewer people, spending more time in my room, cooped up, etc.

I’m struggling because I can’t tell if I’m unhappy or depressed. Like do I hate OU, do I have no friends, am I struggling to find a purpose? OR are my little brain molecules back to not producing? I  really can’t tell. I think it’s the latter because I have friends, and things I enjoy (not recently) and I love Ohio, but I’m just not sure about anything right now.

I want to go to therapy or something (my roommate and I talked about both of us going but she’s been really different this semester so I don’t know), but therapy doesn’t work for me because I lie and then my therapist thinks I’m fine and then sends me on my merry way.

I just really need someone in my life to be like ‘hey you’re going to be okay, you’ve got this’ but I truly don’t see that happening anytime soon.

So, in advance, if my posting is shitty in the coming weeks, I apologize, but I’m doing my best and right now I’m putting 1000% of my energy to getting out of bed, going to class, and getting work done and when there’s extra energy for seeing my friends, going to the gym, and blogging you’ll have a post.

I hope this all made sense

❤ Alicia ❤

90 self-love quotes

Hi all. Just because my challenge is over doesn’t mean my self-love journey is. During my 31 days of self-love challenge, I got numerous emails from people asking if they could also partake in the challenge and other things to do with self-love. One of the emails I got was from a lovely lady named Emma, and it was a link to 90 self-love quotes. I appreciated them so much and I hope that you all do too! Be sure to check out the link for all 90 but here are some of my favorites!



P.S. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page there is a little tidbit on how to practice self-love! So helpful!!

❤ Alicia ❤

31 days of self-love challenge: Day 31

Wow, here we are. 31 days later. I’ve talked about great things about myself, not so great things about me, goals for myself, and so much more. It’s been a very eye-opening 31 days and I’ve loved posting about self-love, learning about myself, and reading your comments as you followed me along with this challenge. I hope some of you do this challenge as well and if you do tag me in a post or 2 so I can see what you’ve said along your way! If you want a list of all the prompts, here is a link to the prompt for each day!


Going forward, how can you commit to loving yourself every day?

There are a few ways I’ve thought of to love myself every day. The first one is to journal. I want to write about a good thing that happened to me each day to show that my life is actually pretty decent. I always say I’m going to do this and never do… so I have backups.

The next way I’m going to commit to loving myself every day is by picking out one part of myself that I love EVERY SINGLE DAY. Whether it be something about my body, mind, or otherwise, there is so much to love about myself, I just have to find out what it is.

The final way I want to commit to loving myself is to start posting more self-love posts here. I got AMAZING feedback from this challenge from so many of you and I know I loved it so I want to start writing about self-love more. This one won’t be something that happens daily but maybe weekly or monthly. We’ll see.

Thanks for following me on my self-love challenge, I can’t wait to see how all of yours go.

❤ Alicia ❤

31 days of self-love challenge: Day 30

What labels (negative and positive) do you assign yourself?

I’ve been thinking long and hard about this prompt and it’s been killing me. I never knew how many labels there are and how many I’ve assigned myself, even just for a short period of time. I hate labels if I’m being honest so I like that this really made me think about all of the ones I assign myself (and other people). It’s human nature to categorize but it can terribly mean how we categorize certain people. Anyway, on to my labels.

Positive Labels:

  1. Smart- I’ve always been decently good in school and I made Dean’s List last semester so I think It’s acceptable to use this one
  2. Funny– I’m always the friend who makes everyone laugh, with memes, bad jokes, and puns flying out of my mouth soooo I give myself this label
  3. Personable– This is not really something I think I am, but everyone always tells me I am. Even if I just met someone I can usually find something to talk to them about and make them less comfortable (I attribute this to my literal hatred of silence around new people so I’ll find ANYTHING I can to talk a bit)
  4. Strong- By this I mean physically and mentally, due to a lot of things but take it as you will.
  5. Liberal– Take this one how you will as well, some might believe this to be negative… if you do I’m sorry.

Negative Labels:

  1. Lazy– Everyone has those ‘lazy days’ but unless your last lazy day has lasted for the past 5 years… I don’t know what to tell you
  2. Annoying– I always feel like I talk too much and am the most annoying person ever and I literally won’t talk to people first because I feel like I’m being annoying.
  3. Awkward– Like I mentioned when I talk about being personable, I hate silence and I feel like my constant conversation starting and inability to make eye contact makes me awkward but who knows?
  4. Cocky– I brag a lot about dumb things sometimes and I feel like I’m cocky when it comes to things. Maybe I’m not.
  5. Crazy– Just sort of mentally on some things I don’t know.

I probably could have gone on and on for negative labels ( 😦  ) but I’ll stop there because I wanted them to be equal. Moving forward, I’m going to work on more positive labels for myself and embracing my flaws without labeling myself as bad for them!

What labels do you assign yourselves??

Alicia