What I’m putting my energy into in 2019

I am a girl who loves to sleep. However, most of my best writing and ideas come to me around 2am or later. Due to this, I only get a few good ideas and write a few good pieces once in a blue moon. The other night was one of those nights. I wrote my post “Long time no write” at 2am in a bed that’s not mine, in Wisconsin because I couldn’t sleep. I also had one major life-altering epiphany at 3am, which then resulted in me changing my entire blog’s look and theme. I didn’t fall asleep until 5:30 that morning.

Ever since I got to Athens in August, I haven’t had a good night’s rest. Whether I can’t fall asleep, wake up in the middle of the night, or toss and turn so much that I wake up in pain [never knew I was 60 years old now], I have had less than 5 good nights of sleep this whole semester. At first, I thought it was a bad bed. All semester I thought it was a bad bed. Then, I went home for Thanksgiving. I still couldn’t sleep. If my comfy bed and 1923469 pillows weren’t helping then what could it be?

I realized I’m stressed out of my damn mind. I put too much only my plate. I do and I do and I do and I do and I don’t have enough time in my day or enough energy in myself to do it all. I’ve been so stressed about doing it all that I can’t sleep. I’ve been pouring out of an empty cup for the past few months and my body and life are struggling because of it: I’ve gained at least 10 pounds, struggle to get through a day sans coffee, nap almost daily, I was sick the entire semester [not joking], and it’s almost impossible for me to fall asleep or to wake up.

Over this break, I haven’t been stressed. I’ve had little to no obligations and I’ve had absolutely no trouble sleeping. Quite the opposite; I’ve had trouble getting myself up because my body is trying to catch up on all the sleep I’ve missed out from the past few months.

I cannot keep pouring from an empty cup. Not if I want to be happy, not if I want to be healthy, and certainly not if I want to make it out of college with anything more than a head of gray hair. I need to make some decisions of what I’m going to be putting my energy into from here on out and I need to do it quick so I don’t lose my shit [for lack of a better phrase].

I need to spend my time and energy on things that are important to me and remove all [well as many of those as I am in control of] of the negative, stressful things and whatever doesn’t set my heart on fire. I need to reidentify what I’m pouring my heart into so I can give 100% to what matters to me; not 10%, not 50%, not 80%. 100% of myself to what makes me happy.

So, what do I need to remove from my life? What do I need to add? What do I need to keep in my life?

To be removed:

  • In a perfect world: stress, but in a real world: any unnecessary stressors – my treasurer position of 4 paws gave me too much stress with all of my other obligations so I now run the social media account which is a lot more low-key and I still get to be part of the org.
  • Social media – I can’t really do this at all because of CHAARG + 4 Paws. I could perhaps delete certain apps and only redownload when I need to post? I’ll ponder this for a while + update with my decision.
  • People – I used to be very follower crazed. I had an unfollower app so I could see who didn’t follow me back, who unfollowed me, etc. I went though my social media [Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat…I don’t really use Facebook anymore so going through that would be a waste of time] and unfollowed and unadded people I don’t really need in my life. People from high school, tinder matches, random people who I would follow back. Anyone who if unfollowed me first, I would reciprocate. Also, I would like to stop seeing people who don’t make me happy – however, that’s easier said than done…
  • Illness – Like I mentioned before. I was sick literally from September 1st until I went to the doctor over Thanksgiving. I need to be sure I’m sleeping enough, taking vitamins, eating good food, and getting some sunlight.
  • Screen time – My iPhone now tells me how much screen time I use daily and holy god was that a shock. The amount of time I use my phone and the amount of times I physically pick up my phone is astronomical and I did not think I used it that much. I want to start using less screen time [mentioned in my 2019 intentions post] by turning my phone off for periods of time, putting it in another room, throwing it in a river… so many options!
  • Spending $$ – I’m trying to study abroad once or twice in the next year and a half and I really can’t do that if I keep spending money. Obviously, there are things I need to buy like groceries, clothes on occasion, and bills, but I really need to limit my spending on things besides the necessities for my own sanity and my wallet’s as well.

Things to be added:

  • Self-care – I need to do more than face masks and bath bombs. I think the biggest item of self-care that I could do for myself if to create a routine – morning, workout, and night – put it in place, figure out how much time it takes, and then be sure to allocate time for it in my day.
  • Reading + writing time – I have time in my day where I could be reading or writing but I spend it on my phone, scrolling through social media, etc. I want to allocate 30 minutes per day [I can switch off perhaps] to do 2 of the things that I love the most
  • Follow through – I need to figure out how to commit to the things I want to do and follow through with my commitments
  • Savings account – I have one, I don’t really use it. With the removal of spending a crap load of money, I’ll be putting the excess into my savings account.]

Things to be kept: [Obviously there are other things I want to keep in my life besides these 3, however, I felt the need to include these.]

  • CHAARG – I love CHAARG [hence why I’m in it] + I was to keep loving CHAARG so it stays
  • Blogging – Same rationale for CHAARG
  • Being unapologetically myself – I feel like I try to change myself to please others or I feel that others try to change me and I end up apologizing for being who I am. No more. I’m me and no one is going to change that.

It’s interesting to see all of this in writing. How the things I want to add and subtract from my life outweigh the things I want to keep [not sure how I feel about that…].Now I need to put this plan into action + hopefully start refilling my cup. 🙂

Are there things you want to add to your life? remove from your life?

Much love,

Alicia

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