What’s something you’re working on believing that you deserve?
I think something that I’m desperately working on believing is that I deserve kind people in my life. I feel like that is a weird one to say because it’s pretty obvious that everyone deserves kind people in their lives, however, sometimes I really don’t believe it.
When there are amazing people in my life who are genuine and loving, and say nice things to/about me and really truly care about me I really feel like that I don’t deserve it. In the back of my head constantly, I’m always thinking that they’re too good to be in my life and that I really don’t deserve them because of how extraordinary they are.
Some of my best friends and family members I really just don’t know how they put up with me sometimes. I feel like I complain too much, talk too much, can be too annoying, don’t always say what/how I feel (which can be difficult to deal with), and sometimes don’t always put in my effort into our relationship but they always stick by my side and almost NEVER get upset with me or anything and they always continue to put in 100% effort into our relationship when I don’t/can’t.
Another bad thing I do is push people away. In my past, I’ve had people leave my life after I just got used to them being in my life as a big part. All of high school and college I try my hardest to not get close to people because I feel like the same thing will happen and despite me pushing people away, they don’t get angry or leave, they stay in my life because they love and care about me and they want me in their lives just as much as I want them (even if I don’t always show it).
Even though I don’t always think I deserve these amazing people in my life, having them in my life makes me so fortunate that I have them and it makes me want to be the best possible half of the relationship that I can be.